9 April 2009

Squirrel's nuts cracked

One of the joys of operating a blog such as this is that our deep suspicion that the BNP is little more than an association of the intellectually enfeebled is confirmed whenever we log in to moderate visitor comments, for there awaiting our perusal will be a cosy nest of misspelled, carelessly cased and otherwise ungrammatical messages laboriously tapped out by persons who clearly found their schooldays an insuperable challenge.

The messages left by our large army of BNP fans are, as you might expect, not exactly complimentary of ourselves or of our stated purpose - though on occasion we are mystified as to what precisely our fascist fan base is saying, as so many of the messages they leave have the appearance of having been bashed out by a five year-old who had worked his way to the bottom of one whisky bottle and was half way through the next.

However that may be, we have a familiarity with the syntax of written BNP-ese that is second to none, and - mentally stepping back a few rungs on the evolutionary ladder so as to facilitate ease of understanding - have become completely conversant with the monosyllabic word stock (mercifully limited) of this distant pidgin relative of our own beloved English language.

A characteristic of BNP-ese is the repeated use of a small number of easily spelled words, from which sentence constructions such as "f*ck you" and "f*ck off" are lovingly burnished and tendered for our edification. Those better versed in the intricacies of BNP-ese (intellectual heavyweights in BNP terms, as we have no doubt) are even more adventurous, and quite capable of such complicated word arrangements as "ur goner f*cking Dye" and "yor lampost is waiting".

I kid you not. The comments are real, and the word "waiting" really was spelled exactly as we English speakers would spell it.

True greatness for the writer of BNP-ese comes when the author is possessed of some small ability to translate his or her otherwise impenetrable rantings into something approaching Standard Modern British English - though you will understand that the vocabulary remains strictly limited and that four letter verbs (well, one, as it happens) abound, thus:
You Evil bastards have had your chips. HA HA HA
And that CREEP Gable.
This is the best Christmas present ever. So Shut the Fuck Up you Nazi Stalinist terrorist loving scumbags!
I never thought that I could hate anyone. But I despise you!
This example is a comment left at Norfolk Unity by that amusing collection of hatreds known as Red Squirrel. Other examples, culled from our extensive Red Squirrel collection include:
and, best and most eloquent of all:
You are just an anti white hate group.
why dont you fuck off to Saudi Denis[e]sic.
I am anonymous owing to your nasty little habit of sending fire bombers around ( i.e. the goon squad Antifa)
You are the real fascists, but that won't save you from your 'friends' the Islamic's. They would kill you first LOL.
If I ever find out where YOU live bitch, I will publish it EVERYWHERE because of your crap about Green Arrow,you fucking piece of shit!
As you can see, Red Squirrel has made an outstanding - nay, heroic - effort with this last example, such that its similarity to our own language is remarkable.

On one splendid occasion, however, Red Squirrel surpassed all previous attempts at placing one word after another in an intelligible manner, and managed to do it without the inclusion of four letter verbs:
We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Arrest and charge with incitement to hatred any person issuing death threats against another person or group.
This was an unsuccessful attempt by Red Squirrel to start an online petition at the No.10 website.

Ignoring the hypocrisy (given Red Squirrel's "DIE" advice) and the wayward capitalisation of a verb, we feel that the reason the petition was rejected was because, with so many other matters on his plate, the Prime Minister simply does not have the time to go around arresting everybody who makes a death threat. He is, we are told, busy saving the world.

The name affixed to the failed petition was not actually that of Red Squirrel, but of alter-ego Epona Walton (used when it's not Epona Vals).

Now, like so many BNP members who set to mangling our ancient language in the comments section of this blog, Red Squirrel displays a touching faith in the supposed anonymity of the Internet - "I am anonymous" says the endangered rodent - never imagining that anonymity is a meaningless concept when the person supposing him or herself anonymous is unutterably stupid - as the Red Squirrel's friend Paul Morris, aka Green Arrow, discovered.

And Red Squirrel has been unutterably stupid.

For some time we have known the real-world identity and location of Red Squirrel, being Mrs Elizabeth Walton, who lives in what appears to be a council flat in the Park North area of Swindon.

As well as running her own bonkers Red Squirrel blog (Nut Cracking Nationalism), Odinist Mrs Walton, styling herself "Epona", also co-edits the hysterical (and hysterically funny) Swindon Patriots BNP blog, wherein the fascist faithful are urged to hate Muslims, support Geert Wilders, and stop paying their TV licences.

Most of you will be familiar with the Red Squirrel blog, in which Mrs Walton (below) waxes lyrical - well, you know, as best she can - about nature.

This love of nature is plainly inexplicable, given what nature did to her, and it really is enough to turn a gay woman straight.

Going back to Mrs Walton's statement of intent that: "If I ever find out where YOU live bitch, I will publish it EVERYWHERE", you might think I would be delighted to return the sentiment, but curiously enough I'm not (and any anti-fascist would have little trouble discovering the whereabouts of the odious Odinist in any case).

I wonder how she feels though, knowing that the boot has always been on the other foot, and if she might attempt a phrase or two vaguely related to English in which to express it - nut cracking anti-fascism, perhaps?